What Shadows Can See
by kirei kamiya
Summary: An important anniversary which has nothing to do with Kenshin approaches...will Kaoru be left to grieve alone? not K&OC.


A/N: Yohoo, your authorette here. Just wanted to say no, I haven't abandoned "Sessha wa Rurouni" (umm..completely anyway) and that yes, I did chose this business of death and dying because Kaoru is more than a violent ditz (occasionally) and I wanted to add more insight to her character. Furthermore, as much as Megumi loves to rant and rave and whine and whimper about her family, AT LEAST SHE HAS ONE! Kaoru's are all dead, but you don't see her turn delinquent doctor. Kaoru can be angsty too, thank you very much!  
  
WHAT SHADOWS CAN SEE  
  
by Kirei Kamiya  
  
A deep sleep fell on the Kamiya Dojo as its little family slumbered in the early morning hours. All except one.  
  
Kaoru, still wide awake, opened her eyes and sat up, keeping her movements as quiet and concise as humanly possible so as to not wake Kenshin, who beyond doubt was not sleeping like a rock, as her deshi was. Yahiko's snores drowned out any slip of her footsteps to the closet as she found the heavy cedar chest she had hid beneath her pile of neatly folded haori. Holding back a sob, she opened the lid, wincing at the accompanying creaking sound. With a final desperate wrench, the box opened, and a smell of jasmine filled the small room, illuminated by the small candle Kaoru held in her left hand. The flickering flame threw the room into shadows, and she set down the makeshift lantern she had stashed in her wardrobe earlier on the floor. Softly, she shook out the folds of navy blue silk and held the kimono to herself, taking out the undergarments first. Laying the elegant robe on her futon, she slipped quietly into the underkimono, praying Yahiko wouldn't wake. Next she wrapped the kimono around her body, and tied the white and blue striped obi into a complicated knot she knew she would regret tying later when she would be in a rush to undo it.  
  
Now for the difficult part. Contrary to popular belief, Kaoru was actually rather talented at applying makeup, but this room was practically pitch black and there was no mirror. Sudden inspiration hit Kaoru and she hopped over Yahiko's flailing limbs and towards the shoji leading out to the porch. Trying not to clomp in the heavy geta, she crept to the bathouse, whose mirror was usually lit by moonlight. Setting down the small makeup case, Kaoru dusted the powder on first, and followed with the kohl eyeliner and the lip rouge. Her nimble fingers twisted her hair into a type of elaborately braided bun at the back of her head, leaving only a few front strands of ebony and bangs hanging down. Kaoru took a deep breath, immensely proud of herself: no rouge on the teeth, no powder in the hair, and no obi dragging in the dirt. She perhaps ought to have applied more powder but remained wary of Sano's advice about "women zombies"; anyway it was disrespectful to visit the dead looking like one of their kind.  
  
Enough reflecting, Kaoru determined. It's time to leave, so I can get back before anyone else can realize I'm gone.  
  
Visiting the grave of her mother was a yearly ritual for Kaoru, one she had always preformed alone, even as a small seven year-old girl. Her father had forbid her from coming but even in death his will had not stopped his daughter. This year was perhaps the first she had considered dragging her adopted family of stragglers and misfits along, but in the end she had decided against it. She could just see it now:  
  
Yahiko: "Why are you so dressed up, busu? Its not like she's gonna see you. Maybe that ugly kimono will scare her back to life!"  
  
Yahiko. She was extremely worried about how she'd react to a statement like that. Normally, she's simply beat the boy into a bloody heap, but she was worried she'd start bawling instead, in front of everyone, which would be just as terribly immature as her young, uncouth apprentice.  
  
Sano: "Whaddya mean, we can't drink the sacramental sake?" Or even worse: "Jou-chan, if ya wanted to be alone with Kenshin, ya didn't have to take us along as your diversion."  
  
Sano. Typical Sano. Mind always in the gutter when it wasn't in a bar-but she loved him for it anyway.  
  
Megumi: "But I want to be alone with Sir Ken. Sir Ken, why don't we give the little cry baby her space and retreat behind that clump os secluded bushes over there? DON't sit there and ORO me Sir Ken. Don't you want to be the father of my children, Sir Ken? Sir KEN!"  
  
But of everyone it was perhaps the reaction of "dear Sir Ken" that had troubled her the most; what would he do? Nothing most likely, Kaoru whispered bitterly to herself. After all, if he was somehow coerced into taking me into his arms by our friends, she knew she'd give in to her sorrow and start sobbing; if he did nothing.....she wouldn't cry, but the pain would be even more poignant. Did she really want to be alone with him, now? Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, Kaoru berated herself.  
  
After so many years of treading this trail alone, it was a little ironic to find herself "sneaking out" of her own house at eighteen when it hadn't been necessary at seven. Kaoru sighed and gave a pained smile in spite of herself, closing the gate behind her and hurrying out into the early morning fog, her lithe figure disappearing into the gloomy night.  
  
****************  
  
Kenshin could remember being a deep sleeper at one point in his life, when he could still count his age (incorrectly) on the fingers of one hand. When Master Hiko had thrown him off a cliff when he was nine Kenshin made a habit of sleeping with one eye open. As hitokiri, it hardly mattered since he scarcely slept. But somehow, in the dojo he wasn't quite always awake. Though, much to Kaoru's exasperation, he had never used a futon in her home, he could sleep without the nightmares of the bloodshed of his past. It was enough for Kenshin to sleep with his back against the wall that adjoined Kaoru's room. It was enough to hear her light, even breathing-after she had smothered Yahiko with her pillow and gone back to sleep for the night, of course. But as Kenshin was slowly beginning to realize, the real problem was he was on the wrong side of that wall. Of course, the faintest trace of these thoughts, betraying what he knew was carved in his heart, were forbidden to him. But then there was Yahiko's recent teasing that his sensei may be tough during the day, but at night she shivered like a lonely little girl. Asking her about the validity of that statement had been one of the most embarrassing scenarios of his entire life, and Kenshin was glad that Hiko had not been present to hand it down to the rest of mankind. It had been awkward and a tad ugly; Kaoru was outraged at his blatant invasion of her privacy, and he was outraged with himself for being asinine enough to enquire within earshot of Yahiko. Luckily, her chills had only been due to the cold winter weather-or so she said (or rather snapped). IF she wasn't sleeping alone, she wouldn't be so cold, chastised Kenshin's conscience. Ha! The self-proclaimed wanderer said to himself: you try climbing into her futon. See what happens to you! Kenshin laughed aloud as a sudden image came to him of himself, cocooned into Kaoru's futon, bound by ropes, and hanging ankles up from the dojo roof. Such were Kenshin's musings as he slept, thankfully free of dreams of the sky raining blood and dripping off his katana. But little did he know one of his worst nightmares was about to come true.  
  
************************** A/N: Ha ha ha ha! Long live evil cliffhangers! And don't worry, angst is no fun unless BOTH main characters (K&K) suffer (hint hint)!+_+ 


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